disrespect

Once upon a time I had a profound respect and admiration for a particular "MENTOR" (let's call this person "M"). For obvious reasons, he had stature and wherever he goes people will look up to him. Nobody dares says "No". Nobody dares question his decisions - whether it was correct, wrong or not the very best decision he's made. In short, people were afraid of him. And to to lose respect for M is considered sinful because not only was he wise, most of the time he is correct!

It was glaringly obvious that my respect for M was tremendous. Everything he asked me to do I did. Everything I did as instructions/advise from him, has been for my own benefit and I did them out of love and respect for him. Through that I have succeeded till today. I wouldn't dare question him nor correct his decisions because they are usually good decisions and ever since I could remember he has been my No.1 MENTOR...UNTIL....I found his mentoring skills a bit too harsh and forceful.

The whole idea of mentoring is to "guide" the mentee to make good decisions and abide by good examples set by the mentor. It is a relationship that should have mutual respect for each other (be it the mentee respecting the mentor or vice versa). Thus, at the end of the day the mentee himself should decide on his own whether to embark on that job or not. So mentoring should be about guiding and not forcing a decision on the mentee nor is it about deciding for the mentee!!

In this case, I find that M was being selfish because he took 2 mentees overseas out of pretence that the whole purpose of their trip was to have meetings with clients and secure jobs in that country. Neither of the mentees thought that they would be gone for more than 2 weeks because after all, families, friends and loved ones were left behind just for M.

M didn't think about the needs of his mentees or those of his dependants before deciding to overstay his business visit. Out of the blue, M disclosed to his mentees that their trip will be extended for another month!

Although frustrated and surprised by M's decision, the 2 menteess didn't dare question him nor did they rebel. They kept silent but behind M's back, they quietly poured out their anger to each other and (some) to their dependants. Neither of them could voice out their displeasure and bail out on M (also because M had their air tickets with him).

I find this very disconcerting and a very selfish act on M's part. Mentees may have had plans with loved ones for the coming New Year, Birthday, or Chirstmas but none of these mattered to M.

When they tried to discuss this with M, M gave an ultimatum they can't refuse. This was very unfair since the mentees too have their own careers, job and life to handle. One of the mentees faced a problem of unhappy clients and unpaid job if he follows M's decision. The other will face a problem with his loved ones for 'abandoning' them in their time of need.

It didn't occur to M that many many people are relying on his mentees' return and mentees will face hardships in every aspect of their lives - just to please M.

Having said that, M's reasons for extending their stay is very valid and such an opportunity will may never crop-up again. It's a matter of devotion to God Almighty if they stay and embark on a pilgrimage they'll never forget.

I, for one, do not object to embark on that pilgrimage but the timing is just not proper. The arrangements, the preparations, the circumstances and priorities just do not suit the occassion.

So do you think these mentees will ever speak up?

Do you think they'll discuss this inside out?

Do you think they'll keep silent or protest?

I suppose I'm in no position to decide for them but I still do not agree to M's method of mentoring!