Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
Have you ever counselled someone who's cheated their spouse?
Have you ever counselled someone who's been cheated by their spouse?
Have you ever counselled someone who's cheating on their spouse?
Have you ever been pursuaded to cheat on your spouse?
Has someone ever urged you to cheat on your spouse?
Have you ever pursuaded or urged someone to cheat on their spouse?
As Allah s.a.w is my witness, I have never done any of the above.
I've only heard stories/ real experiences from a third party of the Cheating/Cheated Spouses. This is a Story of "What if" that should happen to me:
SCENE 1: The Victim
If I were to find out that my spouse was cheating on me with someone woman, the first thing I'd do is to confront him with the situation. Before that I shall do my own personal investigation about "the other woman" - who, where she lives, what she does, how they met, when it started.
With that information I can cross-check on whether my spouse is telling the truth during the confrontation. I'd like to find out the reason behind this sudden change of heart. Doesn't he care about the family anymore? Doesn't he love me anymore? Doesn't he realise the consequences of his actions?
Throughout all this, I hope that both parties can sit down and talk about it like humans. Let's hope there weren't be too much shouting and name-calling.
Next, it's decision time.
1. For the Cheater to leave his current family, get better and return to his family after that; or
2. Seek marriage counsellors/Attend counselling sessions.
If the Cheater choose "the other woman" than me,
1. either give permission to marry 2nd wife and keep me as the 1st; or
2. divorce.
I suppose the decision-time is the hardest especially when there are children involved. It's hardest for them than it is for the adults. In the first place, the spouse didn't think about such consequences faced by the children before he acted/decided to cheat on his wife. If it's hurting the wife, it's hurting the children even more.
Scene 2: The Cheater
Usually when one cheats on their spouse, they tend to be very selfish and only think narrowly - their own satisfaction (if it's purely sexual), their well-being and instant happiness (if "the other man" provides better) etc.
They forget whom their cheating on - not only the husband, but also the children. They would have neglected their family and not playing their role as a wife and/or mother. That's why we hardly ever hear about wives cheating on their husbands.....just because women tend to realise the consequences of their actions first before pursuing another relationship. When men cheats, it's usually purely sexual and physical.
But in this case, if I were The Cheater. I'll try not to get caught! Hiding numbers and msgs in the handphones are just too common. I'll hide it in my head! "The other man" must have the following qualities:
1. Handsome, Kind, Caring, Sexy
2. Graduate, Career Man, Loves Children
3. Tolerant, Faithful, Happy-go-lucky
4. Diligent, Street-wise, Patient, Honest, Smart
5. Earns a handsome salary (to provide for my lavish lifestyle)
6. Good religious background
7. Listens to me (most of the time)
8. Good enterprenuerial skills (good soft and hard skills)
(oppss....that all sounds like my husband! Why should I cheat then?)
With "the other man" I must have some 'chemistry' with him and the relationship will not only be sexual or physical. He must have the intellectual capacity for me to interact with him. I can't possibly go out with a "moron", then I'll be one if that happens!
Scene 3: The Counsellor
Counselling "The Cheater":
First, you should never cheat on the spouse!
Find out reasons why that person needed to cheat on their spouse.
In this case, would any reason be valid? Perhaps if the husband was not providing financially, emotionally, physically for the wife, then perhaps it might be a good reason to find another man who can. But in the first place, why marry that 'loser'?
Advice The Cheater to stop seeing or having any contact with "the other man/woman". Reconcile matters with the spouse. Seek counselling if they're encountering problems at home. If The Cheater still loves the spouse, then The Cheater should be willing to do this.
Don't confess to cheating yet. Let the marriage counsellors do their job. Otherwise, more problems will crop up.
Counselling "The Victim":
This is a little bit tricky.
If The Victim has not done his/her personal investigation on "the other man/woman", you must do it for them. If you have proof that a particular number has been called many times from The Cheater's phone, then call that number. Disguise yourself to find out about the person on the other line. This should instill some fear in "the other man/woman" and it's sure indication that someone has found out about the affair!
If the Victim has done his/her homework, then get then to confront and talk about the situation together. Yelling, screaming and throwing things is not necessary - at the expense of the children (if any). Try to do it when the children are not around (if you still feel the need to scream and shout) - just be considerate when you live in flats/condominiums .....walls can be thin!
Next get them to visit a marriage counsellor.
Your job should stop there.
If they decide the marriage is over, then get them a good divorce lawyer! (hahahhah....)
Counselling "The Cheating":
Hmmm.....if you're "the other man/woman" and you find out the person you're with is already married, you can play a role and advice them to stop this vice.
If they have a sob story - i.e. their husband/wife is not treating them right, doesn't love them anymore, can't talk to them - they're most probably LYING!
Do your own homework before pursuing a relationship with this person. Find out who they are, what they do etc...don't just believer everything that comes out of their mouths.
Do you want to be a Home-Wrecker?
No matter how rich that Cheater is and how well he/she treats you and how tempting the 'gifts', sex, attraction etc...may be....it's just WRONG to ruin someone else's life at the expense of your happiness. Most likely you will find another person like that but UNMARRIED!
Scene 4: "The Pursuasee" (one who's been pursuaded)
You call that person you pursuaded you to cheat YOUR FRIEND?
No true friend would come up to you and ask you: "Haven't you ever thought of cheating on your spouse?"
Even if that friend is a Cheater, he should never pursuade you to do the same. As a good friend, he should advice you NOT to cheat and instead work out the problems you have in your marriage before thinking of cheating.
Lay out all the CONS of Cheating....Sorry but there's nothing "PRO" about cheating.
In the first place, why are you so naive to believe that Cheating is OK? Think about it....how many people will get hurt as a result of your selfish actions. Do you really want to hurt the ones you love?
Even if you've LOVED (in the past tense) that person before, I'm sure a good reasonable person would not intentionally hurt that person you've loved before.
Think before you Act!
Scene 5: "The Pursuader"
Why do you have to get other people involved in your vice?
Do you think that everyone needs to Cheat on their spouse?
Do you think you're setting a good precedent/example for others to follow?
If you Cheat, do it at your own time. Brag about it all you want with your friends but NEVER pursuade them to do the same. That's just wrong!!
Don't sway them with the wrong reasons! They might have had a good family relationship going but for your pursuasiveness to cheat on their spouse.
If you don't Cheat but just love to sway them into it....ARE U SICK? I think you need counselling. Do you like seeing your friends suffer in relationship problems while you laugh behind the scene? I definitely think you're SICK to even think about doing that - no matter what your reasons are - e.g. for revenge - ruining people's lives is VERY WRONG!
There are other ways to "get back" at people.....(but of course no way is the correct way!)
Ladies & Gentlemen,
Please do not Cheat or be pursuaded to Cheat on your spouse!
Think carefully before doing so.
Think of all the people you're going to hurt in the process.
Think think think...God gave you BRAINS for a REASON!
SEEK HELP if you fall in any of the categories (Professional Help is ADviced!
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LOVE YOUR SPOUSE
REKINDLE THE 'OLD' FEELINGS
TAKE TIME OFF TO BE WITH LOVED ONES
LOVE YOUR CHILDREN
SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
**Disclaimer: All advice is of personal opinion only and should not be followed strictly. I have not experienced any of the above. You should seek professional counselling or professional medical help if symptoms persist.
